The Gamer's Quarter

[Harveyjames]

Nintendo hope developers will make third-party software for their Wii Fit Balance Board, and that they will use Wiiware as a testbed for new and exciting game ideas that use this peripheral. That's pretty exciting! What Balance Board games can we think of?

Here's one to get the ball rolling:

'This Is You'

This game collates data from around the Wii's system memory including your weight, fitness age, mii data and how many hours you spend playing videogames a week to make gross and insulting generalizations about your lifestyle. It will create a grotesque photo-realistic 3D caricature of you, which becomes your un-editable onscreen avatar. It also make judgements on you in other ways, and reacts accordingly. For example if it finds many save files from Lolicon-themed shooting games it will ask you uncomfortably personal questions about why you are afraid of adult relationships. You have to get the Wii to forgive you by dancing for it, losing weight, deleting save files of games that it deems unsavory, and beating mini-games in which your unflattering on-screen avatar is forced to go through humilating rituals which are a sick parody of your everyday life. Depending on the judgements it makes of you, they can include snooping on women on the train, jumping for peanuts (in this game you are a really ugly monkey) and 'dole queue'.

[Scratchmonkey]

Marble Madness/Super Monkey Ball! Of some sort.

There's also potential for some sort of uber-grindy Jet Set Radio-style game.

[purplechair]

An own-brand Magic Carpet clone with balance-controlled magic carpet air-surfing and wii remote gesture-based spellcasting.

Super Mario Hopscotch. Mario and his pals are playing hopscotch and then - uh-oh! - Bowser comes and threatens their fun.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wing Walker Princess Zelda is kidnapped by a mysterious evil wizard, and Link must heroically save her by maintaining his balance while walking around on the wings of a bi-plane.

Rat Panic You are standing in the middle of a see-saw covered in rats, and must flip the see-saw up and down until you generate enough power to flip the rats into a furnace.

Sim Simeon Stylites A historical epic in which the player relives the 37 years the titular saint spent living atop a pillar. Players are encouraged to stand until their legs give out beneath them, for a 'historical accuracy bonus'.

[purplechair]

Ultimate Burns Victim 2: Take it to the Streets The player is doused in flammable substances and set alight; flails limbs to put fire out. In the streets.

Brant Munroe's Extreme Sledging Sit on balance board; lean to steer. Soundtrack by the Black-Eyed Peas.

Their Finest Hour Player plays the role of a young Royal Navy seaman during World War 2. Must spend hours gently rocking back and forth on the balance board to counteract sea swell. Occasionally point at towards suspicious-looking froth using wii remote. Exciting boss battles against unseen U-boats.

Marching Band Create your own unique marching band character and play dozens of John Sousa classics with your friends! Choose between cymbals, bass drum, or a conductor's baton, and keep on marching in time with the music!

[Winged Assassins (1984)]

Unirally wii.
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[aderack]

Let's start off easy. A fencing game game where you use the wiimote as a 1:1 motion-sensing sword, that you need to practice to use well. Using the balance board, you duck and sway and so on to dodge attacks and aid your own.
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[Harveyjames]

Miyamoto is really big on the idea of families getting together to play wii, so what about some games for nana and grandad?


All That Jazz!

Grandad can show off he's still got it in this tap-dance training game! Uses warning system based on body weight measurement to alert the family when he wets himself.

Dr. Kawashima's Groin Training

Let the friendly and familiar face of Dr. Kawashima guide you through a program of squat thrusts, bottom clenches, and stretching exercises to ensure your marriage remains exciting even in your twilight years! The unique graphics capabilities of the Wii capture every bead of sweat on Dr. Kawashima's red, straining face. You'll believe he's really in the room!

The Old Grey Mare She Ain't What She Used To Be

Shuffling.

[ilopan]

Lean Lean Revolution

[aderack]

A first-person shooter controlled entirely through body and hand motions.
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[purplechair]

World of Tightrope Exciting new circus-based MMO. Fifty-six classes to choose from.

[Winged Assassins (1984)]

[Harveyjames]

80 Days Around The World

In this adaptation of the classic novel, you play the hot air balloon as Phineas Fogg races around the world to stop Jackie Chan from stealing the blood diamonds! As in a real hot air balloon, there are only two controls: ACTIVATE THE BURNER (stand on tippy toes) and LIGHTEN THE LOAD (empty pockets, remove items of clothing, take a shit). It's fun for the whole family!

[daphaknee]

t and c surf design

[ilopan]

A game inspired by Fight Club where your only task is to stand on the balance board for several days while your Wii occasionally flings insults at you.

[Harveyjames]

Agatha Christie's You Be The Body!

How long can you stay still? It's a lying down game.

[sediment]

Obedience: The Game

A game wherein you must use the wiimote and balance board to obey complex commands -- but when you fail, one of your Miis is killed via electric shock. Unlockable special "electrosurf" play mode, and "Milgram classic" wherein you must obey audio cues to electrocute your Miis.

Game comes bundled with a free* lab coat and brown fascist uniform for multiplay purposes.
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[helicopterp]

What Did You Get Me? Is It A Watch?

The perfect gift-giving simulation. Players take turns picking up the Wii Balance Board(tm) and shaking it in their ears. The Wii-mote(tm) speaker will give audio clues as to whether the present is soft, fragile, or alive.
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Like you thought you'd seen copter perverts before. They were nothing compared to this one.

[purplechair]

Vivian Chen's Oriental Massage: Underground Players must use the balance board to walk around on their Mii's back and give it a massage. Fat players must be careful not to crush their rib cage. Work your way to the top and control your own gang.

[dhex]

rat panic actually sounds pretty good, guys.

so when is nintendo producing the wiillet? it's a white semi-gloss version of your wallet and you make money-taking-out gestures at the tv.
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[Harveyjames]

Duke Nukem Jackboot Stamping on A Human Face Forever

'It's time to kick ass and stamp repeatedly on a face. And I'm all out of ass!' Join forces with wisecracking action hero Duke Nukem to live out George Orwell's brutal analogy for the future of mankind! It's you, Duke Nukem, and a gymnasium full of human faces. Whose legs will get tired first?

[Redeye]

Grand Theft Hoverboard

Commit crimes and escape by piloting your hoverboard through a phantasmagoric megacity.




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I felt sheer anarchic joy when I ran over my first pedestrian.

[sediment]

Too eXtreme To Die!

A collection bundle of games requiring balance board use, wherein players perform tasks that will probably get their miis killed.

Examples: Wingwalking II: The Reckoning; Trucksurfer; Mosh Mosh Revolution; Stinger Missile Dodger Plus; Beijing Traffic (aka Human Frogger); Watch the Silly Monkey Juggle Chainsaws While Walking a Wet Tightrope Over a Ravine Full of Exploding Crocodile Sharks
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[Redeye]

Mosh Mosh Revolution


yay
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I felt sheer anarchic joy when I ran over my first pedestrian.

[daphaknee]

goose stomp revolution

join hitler and al his cronies as you goose stomp in time to popular hits such as "dancing in the street" "move you feet" "kick the can" and many more!
stepping out of time sends you to a bonus concentration camp level

[Redeye]

Street Protest

Can you stay on your feet when rushed by a wall of riot shields?

How about staying vertical under water cannon fire?

And you have to hold up your sign (wii in hand) at the same time!
Or throw stinkbombs, rocks, molotovs. (In the Riot Bonus Levels.)

Bonus points for returning tear gas nades and flipping/torching cop cars.
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I felt sheer anarchic joy when I ran over my first pedestrian.

[Harveyjames]

Michael Jackson's That Bit Where Michael Jackson Leans Over Really Far

Remember the early 90's? Who doesn't! No school playground was without it's group of children trying to emulate the famous moment from Jackson's Smooth Criminal video. Now you can recapture those halcyon days on the Wii Balance Board. With a realisticaly rendered playground, schoolkids and dinnerladies, it's just like being 8 years old again. When you fall over it'll even laugh at you and call you gay!

[purplechair]

Miyamoto Crossing

Players, under the guise of their mii, play the role of visitors in Nintendo's terrifying Kyoto HQ. As they walk around the offices, players can expect to SEE Shigeru Miyamoto flipping tea tables over everywhere he goes. Minigames include repeatedly bowing in agreement as Satoru Iwata tells you that he has the heart of a gamer (visible in a jar on his desk), and so knows that gamers want casual exercise games rather than complex virtual experiences. And then tells you that people don't really want to use their miis in games anyway, turning your character into one of Nintendo's big-name stars. (KEEP BOWING.)

[Harveyjames]

XX/XY: Sit On My Face

Quirky relationship game from the makers of Project Rub.

[daphaknee]

[Harveyjames]

No.

[Winged Assassins (1984)]

That was exactly like my group of friends in school only without the Wacko Jacko and falling over bits.
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[D-A-I-S]

In the future, there is one sport that rules all: Virtual Grindcube

The player controls a competitor placed inside the grindcube, a large closed structured with a dizzying and mazelike arrangement of tubes, half-tubes, Sonic-style rails and other forms of paths. The competitor has a disk they balance on and a strange whip-like tool.

By shifting left and right on the balance board, the player moves to the left or right in a tube (and can drop out of a half-tube) or rotates on a rail. By shifting backwards and forwards, the player can move slower or faster, but they are always moving.

Using the wiimote, the player points in the direction they want to look (it's over-the-shoulder third-person) and presses a button to send out the whip, which can latch onto rails, tubes, and other objects. The player then pulls in the wiiimote to launch themselves over to their target (or pull it towards them).

Lots of places you could go from here...for example, you could make it so the player has to chase down roaming objects in the environment, or travel every path as fast as possible. In a multiplayer game, the goal might be to grab other players and throw them to the sides of the cube, where they take damage/lose points. You could probably make a very confusing 3D Qix derivative in which you attempt to trail beams from path to patch, locking off certain areas of the cube from each other. You could make grabbing objects a competition, having to drag them to your corner of the cube to register points (and hoping nobody steals them from you).

And so on. All in a low-polygon Star Fox-meets-Rez aesthetic.

I'm too serious for this topic.

Hey, anyone remember Rocket Jockey?

[kirkjerk]

Man, I was tired of this the first time this came out a quarter century ago and they called it the Amiga Joyboard.

Guru Meditation my ass!
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