The Gamer's Quarter

daphaknee · Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:56 pm Post subject:

what wait where did you come from
you tell them a story about us i already talked about you

dess likes to hit daphny with a baseball bat to the rythym of the atlanta braves tomahawk song

how was that story

dessgeega · Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:05 pm Post subject:

that's not a story and neither is what you posted earlier.
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Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

Man the style guide isn't really all that funny when the stories don't involve sexes or Japanese cyclopses. It probably needs more amendments.

daphaknee · Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 11:48 am Post subject:

everyone should tell stories about losing their virginity!

the guy i lost my virginity to invaded my sex with his japanese cyclops while LORDS OF ACID WAS PLAYING
i was like can you turn that shit down or something
he was like IT GETS ME IN THE MOOD
i was like this isnt going to go anywhere you know
he was like uhhh unnff ugggggg wooooo

he made up for it by introducing me to bdsm, when i first met him i was SO NERVOUS and also on my period so i was nervous that he was going to try to TOUCH MY SEX so i had to be like "no in the pants the first time we meet"
anyway at lunch he told me to stand up and i was like "huh" then he said stand up! and i did and then he said turn around and i did and he said sit down and i did and he was like you're submissive and then i said 'oh i get it'

i couldn't eat ANY OF MY FOOD even though i was totally starved so we went to a movie nad he made me sit with my hands at my sides while he played with me (NOT UNDER THE PANTS THOUGH THATS MENSESLAND), and there were two guys giggiling and i thought they were laughing at me but they were messing around in the theatre too
what movie was playing, we totally didnt finish it, oh yeah man on the moon god that movie sucked and that song sucks harder

we were waiting for a trolley and he SLAMMED ME UP against the bus stop booth thing and grabbed my throat and HOLY SHIT i was scared and turned on
he was like testing to see what turned me on i guess god i dont remember everything
he would get really close to my face and talk to me and scare the hell out of me

he needed to get new shoes i remember sitting at his feet while he was trying them on, he had black socks with little green kitties on them, like lime green
which was weird because he was wearing like all plain clothes and he had these fucking kitties on his socks

when we were walking back to the car to drive to his place i was walking ahead because i always walk faster than everyone ever and he ran up behind me and slapped me so hard on the ass and told me to stay at his side

when we got back to his place in alameda (o hi guess i should say we spent the day in san francisco) i found out he lived on a HOUSEBOAT!
oh boy now im really nervous
im going home with a GUY a MAN im FIFTEEN YEARS OLD this guy must be like TWENTY SOMETHING

we didnt do anything though! we watched a movie and talked! he respected my boundaries

the next time i came up he brought me to a bar (ooooo i was fifteen and in a bar i felt so cool) i guess the people there didnt care becuase he knew them
he asked his friend who was there how old i looked and he said that i sounded and acted like i was nineteen but dressed like a 14 year old
i didnt even know what that meant i was wearing clothes that iwould still wear now whatever

oh i was drinking a guinness, so now this guy is contributing to the deliquency of minors!
we went back to his place, skipped doing anything else i was curious abotu more bdsm stuff and i wanted to get rid of my virginity

he made me serve him a bagel, and teased me with a riding crop
he also showed me the wonder of clothespins and nipple clamps
told me about different birth control methods, oh god i knew NOTHING ABOUT SEX BACK THEN it was so educational!
and then the fucking lords of acid went on, and i embarked on a SEXY ADVENTURE!
well no, but like yeah we saw eachotgher a few more times after that, he hung me upside down from his boat mast (ive told everyone this story yawn) at a party and dipped me in the ocean whenever i made lots of noise
he made me clean the house i learned i am not into cleaning the house in any kind of sexual way

he showed me the magic of a violet wand god those things are hot, and he was into fancy ropework which i dont really care about that much but its cool to have said ive done it? i dunno

i have vanilla relationships too

Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

I am like fresh snow on dirty asphalt as I have never gone the full way. Sad

I don't feel as bad about this as I tend to let on. What few flings I've had have never worked out beyond a couple of weeks at best.

I mean, I get lonely easy, which is one of the things about myself I dislike the most, as I don't mind the notion of being solitary, but I've never felt desperate enough to just latch onto anyone and haven't met someone I truly appreciate to that sort of extent yet.
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"This is the most fun I've ever had without being drenched in the blood of my enemies!"

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

Cool, I'm glad you don't sweat it, the idea that you must have done certain things by a certain age is balls.

Wow, there's a lot to mull over in this thread.

Do you have the chain of shops 'John Menzies' in America? Because I just thought that could be your new name for your cunt, Daphny, 'John Menses'

daphaknee · Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:22 pm Post subject:

my cunt will always be HOOHOO to you tiger

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

It certainly won't be WOOHOO

because by all accounts it looks like it's done ten rounds with a boxing kangaroo :O

daphaknee · Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:40 pm Post subject:

harvey james you dont know how hard it is to hold back the urge to post my moms vagina
goddamnit this is so hard

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

I didn't know you could post stuff like that, I thought the internet was limited to words and pictures and data

daphaknee · Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:57 pm Post subject:

OH GOD IM GOING TO EXPLODE

EVERYONE LOOK ITS MY MOMS VAGINA she had to have relationships to make it that big so this post is relevant

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

I've got two screens in my room, the X Factor is on one and your mom's cunt is on the other. Where did my life go wrong?

Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

ee_emm_ecks · . Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 98 Location: St. Louis

daphny go take a bath

dark steve · . Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 1110

dude didn't throw descartes hard enough
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parkbench · . Joined: 02 Jul 2007 Posts: 145

sediment · Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 6:54 am Post subject:

I've never had a normal relationship. I have some stories I will present in brief, and if more detail is requested I will provide.

1) Apparently I turned a half-Spanish, half-Swedish girl into a major whore. Still not sure how this happened, but it's somehow my fault!

2) My ex-boyfriend killed himself after breaking up with me. Haven't dated too many boys since.

3) I was in a three-way relationship with a guy and a girl, who ran away to Salt Lake City and got married, but apparently still wanted me for sex. No longer convinced three-person situations can work.

4) I've soured my Bosnian ex on everything I like. She's apparently withdrawn completely to chemistry and Tori Amos. (which.. is unusual as I really like Tori Amos, I just can't listen to Me And A Gun.)

5) My fiancee and I are both TG, but until we can go "all the way" we're remaining our physiological genders. This is the boring story because I basically just told it. Still goin' strong. According to most cultures' definitions of sexuality that account for berdaches or other transgenderism, we're majorly gay.

i feel like i'm forgetting something.
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Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

helicopterp · . Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 1435 Location: Philadelphia

Well there's plenty of room here for one more, Dracko.
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Like you thought you'd seen copter perverts before. They were nothing compared to this one.

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

daphaknee · Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:19 pm Post subject:

Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

helicopterp, are you getting fresh with me?

daphaknee · Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 5:51 pm Post subject:

Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

Man, everyone keeps telling me that. Also, that Brit accents win tail. I'm not made of money or citizenship!
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"This is the most fun I've ever had without being drenched in the blood of my enemies!"

helicopterp · . Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 1435 Location: Philadelphia

daphaknee · Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 6:38 pm Post subject:

i have two and im not from west philadelphia! come to my house instead ,i even have a guest room
WE CAN START OUR OWN RELATIONSHIP THREAD

the LIVING WITH DRACKO IS LIKE LIVING IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE thread

helicopterp · . Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 1435 Location: Philadelphia

i can't beat that offer, but I am much classier about my use of caps, if that makes a difference.
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Like you thought you'd seen copter perverts before. They were nothing compared to this one.

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

He means contraceptive caps

Dracko, if you take up any of these people on their disingenuous and decidedly suspicious offers, I am telling you here and now YOU WILL GET BUMMED

daphaknee · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:07 am Post subject:

i hope bummed means pegged in british because thats what i was planning on doing

and MR HARVEY JAMES HARVEY i am great at housing people from THE INTERNETS
dess, booji and ebrey can all vouch for that

sucker

(you cant stay here ever)

daphaknee · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:14 am Post subject:

funny relationship story:

i was on and off dating (more like fucking) this guy, and he got in a really bad car accident while we were fucking that broke both of his legs
oh dear
we werent fucking when his car crashed, i wasnt even there
but yeah

of course that didnt curb his virility at all so we continued fucking
one night, drunk and horny he was going down on me and started screaming
OH FUCK YOU STARTED YOUR PERIOD ALL OVER MY FACE GROSS! and i scooted away as quickly as possible and was like no dude your nose is bleeding all over my fucking couch (cooch)

oh shit
so it took us FOREVER to get him up and into his wheelchair and to the bathroom to clean up and there was blood everywhere, this was one of the worst nosebleeds ive ever seen

anyway we kept seeing eachother for a couple months, it wasnt anything serious, we mostly would hang out late at night, go for long drives and talk about our mystery lives
what he didnt tell me was that he was dating this really fucking insane and jealous girl (who i knew from golfland tournaments, and never really liked becuase she would hate every girl around her for some reason, i really dont get this with women, way too competetive..... anyway)
and this girl found out about us and WANTED TO KILL ME
and i was like, hey maybe you should tell your boyfriend to tell people hes fucking that hes DATING SOMEONE in which she sent me a series of emails about wolves pissing on my graves and me having 1000 zombie wolf babies and getting eaten by wolves
i pictured her, enraged, typing this with one of those howling at the moon wolf shirts

she would come over and talk to my mom (my mom didnt even know who this guy was shes pretty out of my loop) and throw dog shit at my door and threaten to beat me up
she never beat me up, she never even started a fight, which is good i dont like fighting

when this started i already had completely cut off the guy because he was lying to her about us hanging out and i didnt have any idea how shady he was until this point and thought it would be a better idea just to avoid everything altogether

she started friending me on myspace nad facebook recently and sending me messages very buddy buddy wanting to hang out and drink but i never answer them because this girl is batshit insane

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

aderack · . Joined: 15 Jun 2005 Posts: 1105 Location: San Francisco

Pegging is when a woman with a strap-on plays prostate party.
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Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

I'm never going to listen to that Steely Dan song the same way again!

dhex · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 8:45 am Post subject:

steely dan III from yokohama?
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Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

dhex · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 11:20 am Post subject:

sorry, literary reference.
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Swimmy · . Joined: 16 Sep 2005 Posts: 990 Location: Fairfax, VA

daphaknee · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:36 pm Post subject:

daphaknee · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:37 pm Post subject:

boojiboy7 · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:41 pm Post subject:

dhex · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:45 pm Post subject:

i know that, but i got the feeling harvey did not.

plus i just like saying "steely dan III from yokohama"
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boojiboy7 · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:53 pm Post subject:

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

daph, don't peg me.

You don't know where I've been!
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"This is the most fun I've ever had without being drenched in the blood of my enemies!"

Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

So like in american TV shows when a character says 'boy, you've really got me pegged!' they didn't mean what I thought they meant?

Also, Peggy Sue, Peg leg. Peg solitare. You people make me sick.

Dracko · . Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 2613

You love it, Harvey.
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"This is the most fun I've ever had without being drenched in the blood of my enemies!"

Cycle · Mac daddy Joined: 08 Sep 2006 Posts: 2767

hey dont you guys say DID YOU PULL? when asking someone if they picked someone up?

because in australia, pulling is what you do when you don't pickup so it's a little confusing.
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Harveyjames · the meteor kid Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3636

Yeah, pull is pick someone up.

When you say you 'pull' when you don't pick someone up, do you mean 'pulling' is a euphanism for masturbation? It is over here, too- to pull one off, as in 'I heard you pulling yourself off last night' or 'yeah she pulled him off round the back of the cash and carry'.

helicopterp · . Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 1435 Location: Philadelphia

"That's right, I had to call up L:

-Yo, L
-What up?
-I hit.
-What else?
-Plus dome.
-Say word.
-And we got it on tonight."
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Like you thought you'd seen copter perverts before. They were nothing compared to this one.

dessgeega · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject: