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dhex
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Location: brooklyn, Nev Yiork
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 Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 10:57 am Post subject: truer than true you are there real life games journalism |
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"It's just a zombie movie. What are they expecting, Schindler's List?"
i've never seen a uwe boll film, nor can i pronounce his first name, but he produced one of the most entertaining spectacles i've ever had the pleasure of reading about after the fact in wired.
| Quote: | | "It was boxing," he deadpans. "Not chess." |
utterly pointless, quite possibly criminal, most certainly dishonest, but deeply, immensely entertaining.
he may also be the only person who can make a far cry movie, if such a thing deserves to exist (it does not)
edit:
| Quote: | | "The lesson is: So bad prepared are the critics in the rings, they are also at writing," |
is this guy jesus or what?
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:07 am Post subject: |
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| It bugs me how people will defend stuff like the Resident Evil movies by saying, 'well, it's good for a zombie movie'. Fuck that. Zombie movies can be brilliant, and they take style and talent to pull off. Shaun of The Dead, Dawn of The Dead, Braindead, etc. The Resident Evil movies are balls, and you can take that to the bank. |
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player 2
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Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 585
Location: Madison, WI USA
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:15 am Post subject: |
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resident evil was pretty fun...
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sawtooth
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Joined: 02 Nov 2005
Posts: 419
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:17 am Post subject: |
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the whole filmmaking thing is a german tax dodge or something like that. the worse his films do, the more money he gets, apparently.
also i think everyone was supposed to get training, paid for by boll, ahead of time, but nothing happened.
| Quote: | | "You've heard of the Rumble in the Jungle, the Thrilla in Manila?" he rants, striding around the ring. "Well, kiddies, this here be the Maneuver in Vancouver!' We're gonna put him to bed for House of the Dead! We're gonna feed him to the sharks for Alone in the Dark! He's gonna be feeling pain for making BloodRayne!" |
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:17 am Post subject: |
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| player 2 wrote: | | resident evil was pretty fun... |
My friend Petra says it's 'the worst movie she likes', so yeah. |
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dhex
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Joined: 13 Dec 2004
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Location: brooklyn, Nev Yiork
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:18 am Post subject: |
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on the one hand i find it hard to believe they believed him.
on the other, shit man, people believe anything these days. nobody hired a ringer or nothing.
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OtakupunkX
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:31 am Post subject: |
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| Harveyjames wrote: | | It bugs me how people will defend stuff like the Resident Evil movies by saying, 'well, it's good for a zombie movie'. Fuck that. Zombie movies can be brilliant, and they take style and talent to pull off. Shaun of The Dead, Dawn of The Dead, Braindead, etc. The Resident Evil movies are balls, and you can take that to the bank. |
I think that, just because zombie movies are a highly violent subgenre of horror movies, which are considered by most people as the most brainless of all genres of fiction, they get a bad rap by everyone but film scholars, horror fans, and people who actually take the time to watch ones that aren't called Resident Evil.
Coincidently, all the people I know who liked the RE movies never played the games or saw any other zombie movies. |
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Shapermc
Hot Sake!
Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 6279
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:35 am Post subject: |
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For what it's worth I found the first RE movie fun and fairly entertaining at times. RE2 was pretty terrible, even from a B-movie perspective, and I have been known to be able to enjoy bad movies.
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“The average man has a secret desire to be a swaggering, drunken, fighting, raping swashbuckler.”
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"There is no place in this enterprise for a rogue physicist!" |
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OtakupunkX
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:36 am Post subject: |
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| Speaking of enjoying bad movies Shaper, have you ever seen Santa Claus Conquers the Martians? |
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Shapermc
Hot Sake!
Joined: 14 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:39 am Post subject: |
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No, should i?
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-Robert E. Howard in a letter to a friend circa Decmber 1932
"There is no place in this enterprise for a rogue physicist!" |
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OtakupunkX
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:42 am Post subject: |
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| Yes. I think you can actually download it off Archive.org these days. |
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crispus attucks jr
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Joined: 27 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:47 am Post subject: |
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A letter from Uwe Boll, formerly posted on the Alone In The Dark movie website:
| Quote: | A MESSAGE FROM UWE BOLL, DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER OF HOUSE OF THE DEAD
"HOUSE Of THE DEAD was in a lot of territories a very big success. In Middle East, Russia, Spain, Thailand and South America was the movie similar to the USA and KANADA two weeks in the TOP TEN and a long time in the Video/DVD-Charts. In a lot of countries the release is coming up in summer. But in the internet are a lot of negative voices talking about the film and I wanna tell all this people that they are right and wrong.
If you think that HOD is shit you are right in a way because it is cheesy but you are wrong in a lot of ways. First of all if you really see the move on screen or DVD you will recognize that the CINEMASCOPE look of the movie and the sound are absolutly A LIST and not one percent less quality as RESIDENT EVIL or UNDERWORLD. Second: What is the game HOUSE OF THE DEAD about ? It is a cheesy action shooter. And dont forget I made a movie out of that game. I did not made a ZOMBIE movie alone - I made a game based movie. So the game is an action shooter game where you kill zombies - and if you really compare my movie to movies like RESIDENT EVIL or UNDERWORLD then I dont know what you was waiting for? In HOD we have a lot of GORE and a lot of action. Much more as in Resident Evil. The big battle in front of the house with the MATRIX and TURN TABLE effects, over 100 blood effects and 11000 cuts in 13 minutes will be film history in a few years because in NO OTHER FILM EVER was a similar scene. Also Rodrigez or Tarantino ever made a scene like this escalating action scene in HOD. I really tried to make out of a teenage horror script a special new form of a videogame based movie. I'm not 100% satisfied with the result but it was the maximum what I could do with the budget and script. And what is really pissing me of is that a lot of real horrorfans (especially on Creature Corner, IMDB, Yahoo) are not able to see a difference and judge unfair. Third: also if the story/dialog is cheesy the story has no big logical problems or mistakes.
Can you show me in HOD logical mistakes like in the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD? How the fuck in DAWN OF THE DEAD is coming the fat woman and the other people from the inside of the truck in the mall? How they are coming later back in the tunnel from the house of the sniper?
I write this because I read all that shit and I give my commentaries also. I startet filming as a boy and I had NO CONNECTIONS in the film industry, no nice uncle or rich parents taking care of me. I worked myself in the film industry, made movies like GERMAN FRIED MOVIE or RUN AMOK with NO MONEY and released the movies on my own, travelled to the theatres, talking to the exhibits and to the audience. That I make movies is not a result of VITAMIN B is is the result of my work and my dicipline and my talent.
Before you all write more shit about my movies you should look THE HEART OF AMERICA for example, the movie I did before I made HOUSE OF THE DEAD and you should see ALONE IN THE DARK. After you saw this movies you should have the balls to say "Sorry about my comments!". The weak part of HOD was the story - not the directing. In August ALONE IN THE DARK is finished and this movie is way above movies like UNDERWORLD or RESIDENT EVIL. And for BLOODRAYNE what we do this summer - we have a great script from Guin Turner (she co-wrote AMERICAN PSYCHO) and we will deliver a movie way better as VAN HELSING was (much darker and more brutal).
Uwe Boll |
That might be my favorite thing I've ever read (mostly just the VITAMIN B and 11000 cuts parts but they are very good (I still do not know what VITAMIN B means)).
Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L93CCSWIaa0
he is the first great superman artist of the 21st century |
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
Posts: 3636
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:56 am Post subject: |
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"I hit them so hard, they have brain damage," Boll crows. "They love my movies now!"
I sort of like Uwe Boll after reading this! |
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OtakupunkX
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 730
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| After reading about Uwe Boll, it's hard to not kind of like him in a way, even if his movies suck. I think he'd make a great film producer. |
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zebadayus
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Joined: 26 Nov 2006
Posts: 48
Location: Kentucky
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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hm.
Last edited by zebadayus on Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:14 am; edited 1 time in total |
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DonMarco
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Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 349
Location: 33903
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:21 pm Post subject: Re: truer than true you are there real life games journalism |
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| Lowtax wrote: | | "It says that if he gives me AIDS or brain damage or kills me, I can't sue him," he smirked. "But it didn't say anything about me giving AIDS to him, so I've been out sleeping with male hookers." |
Lowtax is a real American hero. I would totally vote him in to office of whatever. You should too.
| dhex wrote: | | i've never seen a uwe boll film, nor can i pronounce his first name, but he produced one of the most entertaining spectacles i've ever had the pleasure of reading about after the fact in wired. |
I'm all about the Boll. "oo-vuh" or "oo-veh". The W is a V thing in that Germany land. I've bought all his movies, and saw them all in theaters (except House of the Dead, on account of Japan and all).
For the longest time, if you did a google image search for "uwe boll", with or without quotations, I had the first image result. About 5-6 months ago it was mysteriously dropped from the search result lists and I lost all bragging rights. I have since submitted a new result and it's at #2 right now. I think Boll had something to do with it, but he's not my most powerful enemy, if you catch my drift.
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
Posts: 3636
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not sure about Lowtax. I used to like SA, but that he's let it fester for so long reflects badly on him.
| Lowtax wrote: | | "It says that if he gives me AIDS or brain damage or kills me, I can't sue him," he smirked. "But it didn't say anything about me giving AIDS to him, so I've been out sleeping with male hookers." |
LOL because male hookers are more likely to have AIDS amirite? The punchline is gays.
I liked Wired's casual dismissal of SA as 'lowbrow website Something Awful', though. And 'Kyanka drops abruptly, like a joke cut off before the punch line' was nice, too. |
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dessgeega
loves your favorite videogame
Joined: 16 Jun 2005
Posts: 6563
Location: bohan
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Harveyjames wrote: | | Lowtax wrote: | | "It says that if he gives me AIDS or brain damage or kills me, I can't sue him," he smirked. "But it didn't say anything about me giving AIDS to him, so I've been out sleeping with male hookers." |
LOL because male hookers are more likely to have AIDS amirite? The punchline is gays. |
you mean GRID right lol
adam and steve lol
homophobia lol
it's "ooh-vey".
have you seen the producers? that's basically the scheme. except with government funding.
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dark steve
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Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 1110
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Harveyjames wrote: | | player 2 wrote: | | resident evil was pretty fun... |
My friend Petra says it's 'the worst movie she likes', so yeah. |
The RE movies are about as good as the RE games.
Man I think I make this post three times a year.
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GSL
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Joined: 16 Nov 2005
Posts: 725
Location: Mr. Lee's Greater Hong Kong
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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Jesus, I was seriously almost sick to my stomach after reading that Wired article. It's bad enough Boll made an even larger ass of himself (above and beyond what his movies prove) by throwing down this boxing challenge, but it's even worse that people rose to his bait! And out of them only a 17-year old kid managed to put up a good effort!
The whole thing was the kind of bad publicity that has Barnum spinning in his grave--with glee--at 20,000RPM. Boll's ego gets a boost by what is obviously a hollow victory against completely unprepared and unqualified opponents.
And suddenly everyone's singing his praises! What the fuck is this, the goddamned 5th grade schoolyard where the bully is the coolest and brightest kid by virtue of a few fists to everyone else's head? I mean, the whole thing stupid and childish and overflowing with insecure, desperate machismo, but I still would have liked to see someone knock him the fuck out if for no other reason than to spare us his theatrics after winning.
And yes the, "Resident Evil was good for a zombie movie" line is total bullshit. If Boll truly believes that, he ought to be donkeypunched upside the head with an old VHS copy of Night of the Living Dead. Or anyone else, possibly, for that matter. Zombie flicks are serious business. |
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Gouki
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 32
Location: Australia.
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| Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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Man. The best thing about Alone in the Dark was Tara Reid's acting. If that is the case, there is something very fucking wrong with your movie and the crew behind it.
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 7:04 am Post subject: |
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| Greatsaintlouis wrote: |
And suddenly everyone's singing his praises! What the fuck is this, the goddamned 5th grade schoolyard where the bully is the coolest and brightest kid by virtue of a few fists to everyone else's head? |
I just like him now because he comes off as a bit of a character. A german ex-boxer film director who invites his critics into the ring! With all seriousness! He's like a character in Punch-Out or something. |
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Isfet
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Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Posts: 107
Location: A New York
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 7:49 am Post subject: |
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i guess i can understand his argument in regard to the idea that he's creating movies based off of games that don't have much substance to beging with but
why make it in the first place? i suppose if it's purely for entertainment purposes, sure, whatever. i watched Alone in the Dark once, and i can say i've probably seen worse films. i think what causes people to become enraged with this guy is the idea that he may not be doing this with the purest of intentions. i can relate to that, as i typically feel the same way, with most "art forms." but a movie based off of a game; maybe that's something that can be left alone.
but yea, people like Lowtax have very little ground to stand on when it comes to criticism. their new thing lately is making fun of the angry Nintendo nerd, with "Furious Famicom F___t." the phrase really bothers me; would they get away with "Notorious Nintendo N___r" or "Wily Wii WOP" or some other alliterative combination of game reference and derogtory word?
well, probably |
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 7:57 am Post subject: |
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| Faggot's been in common SA parlance for a while, though; it's an old Jeff K staple insult. They use the term semi-ironically. However this nuance is lost on all but SA goons. |
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Isfet
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Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Posts: 107
Location: A New York
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:03 am Post subject: |
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| well something like Jeff K can get away with anything because of what it is, but something about this feels different. mainly that it seems to be directed as an "insult" towards the youtube guy. they could still try and claim it's being done in an ironic way, and maybe that's somehow true, but irony is getting up there with "relative" or "post modern" in terms of its over(and mis)usage. |
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dongle
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 290
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:17 am Post subject: |
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| It's actually things like that that made me stop reading SA. There's too much cheap, winking, "irony". Yes we know that you goons know better than to use faggot in that sense but it's not cute, shocking, or clever anymore. If throwing slurs around is so funny, then the height of that style of humor is *chan posting child porn during invasions. It's an arms-race of facetious offensiveness. |
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dhex
Breeder
Joined: 13 Dec 2004
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Location: brooklyn, Nev Yiork
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:09 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | And suddenly everyone's singing his praises! What the fuck is this, the goddamned 5th grade schoolyard where the bully is the coolest and brightest kid by virtue of a few fists to everyone else's head? |
uh have we met? i'm mike and i enjoy cheap violence and even cheaper laughs.
seriously though, i laughed the whole way through. it was ridiculous for him to get so angry, and ridiculous for those pasty dorks to show up without having gotten into at least a little bit of shape. it made me laugh quite hard, and nothing in wired makes me laugh anymore. cry a little, sure, but laugh? nah.
thank you uweee ueweee ooh la la.
also, i was very disappointed that the scary fat guy who looks like a dragon crossbred with that kid from that movie mask with cher in it didn't fight instead of the 90lb kid from aintitcool.
also, the term wop is stupid and hurtful and i prefer gino gooch provalone and/or mussolini breeding motherfuckers.
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Isfet
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Joined: 27 Oct 2006
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Location: A New York
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:33 am Post subject: |
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| dhex wrote: | | also, the term wop is stupid and hurtful and i prefer gino gooch provalone and/or mussolini breeding motherfuckers. |
qft
basically, i think dhex has the right idea: these movies, as well as the director, are, at the core, ridiculous. there's no real reason to take offense or even consider them beyond their surface value. you can, but it's not worth it.
true, Boll takes appears to take himself seriously and is a bit delusional, but so is the director of "Pieces" (which, dhex, if you haven't seen, i highly recommend). |
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
Posts: 3636
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 10:38 am Post subject: |
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| Isfet wrote: | | well something like Jeff K can get away with anything because of what it is, but something about this feels different. mainly that it seems to be directed as an "insult" towards the youtube guy. they could still try and claim it's being done in an ironic way, and maybe that's somehow true, but irony is getting up there with "relative" or "post modern" in terms of its over(and mis)usage. |
Yeah, SA is the sucks. |
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kthorjensen
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Joined: 28 Nov 2006
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Location: NYC
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Harveyjames
the meteor kid
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 10:43 am Post subject: |
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| But can you roll with the dirt dog? |
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DonMarco
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Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 349
Location: 33903
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 1:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Harveyjames wrote: | | Lowtax wrote: | | "It says that if he gives me AIDS or brain damage or kills me, I can't sue him," he smirked. "But it didn't say anything about me giving AIDS to him, so I've been out sleeping with male hookers." |
LOL because male hookers are more likely to have AIDS amirite? The punchline is gays. |
Hey, gay sex is funny (see any The NY Friars Club Roast in recorded hisory). And I'd argue that sleeping with prostitues is a fairly easy way to contract AIDS, regardless of the gender.
Read the second line again, you might see that Lowtax had no capacity of giving Boll brain damage, killing him or even suing him. But AIDS, alas, is a terrible and easily trafficed social disease. In professional boxing, a blood test is submitted when applying for the yearly licence.
Damn you , HarveyJames, for taking desperate commedians plea for help and twisting it into a cruel and politically incorrect statement.
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dongle
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 290
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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| DonMarco wrote: | | Hey, awesome sex is funny (see any The NY Friars Club Roast in recorded hisory). |
Is there a word filter in place? I approve!
edit: whoa, wait, the filter changed.
Last edited by dongle on Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:11 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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DonMarco
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Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 349
Location: 33903
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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| dongle wrote: | | DonMarco wrote: | | Hey, awesome sex is funny (see any The NY Friars Club Roast in recorded hisory). |
Is there a word filter in place? I approve!
gay |
Maybe there is? I might have typed it "ghey" on accident...?
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dhex
Breeder
Joined: 13 Dec 2004
Posts: 6319
Location: brooklyn, Nev Yiork
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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do the gay illuminati dance!
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dessgeega
loves your favorite videogame
Joined: 16 Jun 2005
Posts: 6563
Location: bohan
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| Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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incidentally, dhex, i love your new banner.
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